Boy Code

From Psychology Today…

Kids are fascinated by creatures of the opposite sex, but strongly averse to them. As in, “ewwwww.”

Once children are about 6 years old, they begin to set up a code of behavior that discourages friendships between boys and girls. “It’s a way for them to avoid dealing with things that are too complicated,” says Alan Sroufe, the William Harris professor of child psychology at the University of Minnesota.

In one study, 10-year-olds who were videotaped while at summer camp were caught co-mingling just 4 percent of the time they were observed. And those who did so were promptly taken to task by their peers. One boy made the grave mistake of loaning a radio to a girl and then, in a move that far worsened his situation, venturing into the all-girls tent to retrieve it. As he emerged from enemy territory, the boys broke into a chorus of “Oooh, you like her!” and, “Why are you with the girls?”

“He had to immediately hit each boy who had teased him,” Sroufe says. “Kids have elaborate rituals for setting and policing gender boundaries.”

The irony is that sex segregation seems to prepare children for good cross-sex relations as teens. Sroufe found that the very kids who maintained gender boundaries at 10 were more effective at communicating with the opposite sex as adolescents.

By following the divisive code, he speculates, kids solidify their status in their same-sex peer group. They may also strengthen their one-on-one friendships, which teach them the communication skills they need when they begin to befriend mysterious souls of the opposite gender.