Sonia Sotomayor at Princeton
This story ran on the front page of the New York Times a couple of days ago. As I read it on the subway, I was struck by what I felt was missing. I waited a day or so and went back to the article online to view the comments section – would there be anything in there other than “Thomas is superior, but she’s a bum” and vice versa commentary?
Not surprisingly, there is a bunch of that sort of thing, and some thoughtful observations. I was surprised to NOT see ONE mention of gender. Men and women are literally wired to respond to challenges in their environment differently – which is not to say that all men will behave one way and all women another way in situation X. (Marti Barletta dissects this component of gender with such a clear, interesting perspective. She gives many examples of the differences between Man Culture and Woman Culture, the way in which we communicate and make decisions, and why smart marketers need to be respect these nuances. If you get a chance to hear one of her lectures/talks, jump at the opportunity!)
Leaving out any speculation about Sotomayor and Thomas’ intellectual capacities, who had to overcome more, their “worth” as Justices, their politics etc, I think it is fair to say that when faced with an insulting verbal confrontations (“surely you can’t be qualified for a job here”) Sotomayor behaved as a woman (used to being questioned and second-guessed, she fought back hard after gathering the support of her community’s authorities. She believed she had every right to be treated as an equal and she was willing to demonstrate that others thought so too) and Thomas as a man (he received the full force of the insult as it was intended and regarded having to disprove it as a further humiliation. He said he was worthy, he should be allowed to demonstrate this without asking others for permission.)
As I read the comments section this evening, I was reminded of a funny and telling anecdote I was told on a first date (it was an online meet-up and went nowhere.) When I shared with my date that I did a lot of research around gender differences in communications style and behaviors, he looked me in the eye and said “I can tell you everything you need to know about the differences between men and women.” He is a VC guy and he told me a story about the people he funds.
“A woman has a first meeting with me and my team. She brings in 8 sets of documents, tabbed and marked where appropriate, gives us her pitch in which she asks for $500,000 in order to grow her business by 20% annually. It’s a sound, solid proposal and I say to her, ‘what can you do if I give you $2,000,000?’ and more often than not she will tell me thanks but no thanks, what she needs is the $500,000. When I need $2 million, I’ll ask you for it.”
“OK. Now for scenario 2. I have a meeting with a man who has approached me because ‘he can make me money.’ He pulls out a couple of pieces of paper (and yes, there has even been a napkin!) and starts talking about the great idea he has to revolutionize or create something, how he’s got a buddy who can help with some part of the manufacturing/initial set-up, perhaps even cut us a deal, and how this brilliant idea is going to make a LOT of people a LOT of money.”
“Sometimes,’ continues VC man, “there is something fantastic there in that nugget. So I say to him, how much do you need and he says ‘$10 million should get us off to a good start.'”
I laughed, he laughed, said of course he was simplifying but the premise is true.
I wholeheartedly agree.
Born Curious 
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